More Than A Wedding

The bride stood in the back of the chapel, arm in arm with her groom, waiting to walk down the aisle for a second time. The first time she had made this walk was almost 60 years earlier. At 86, the groom almost 88, they stood together in the chapel where the Burtons had been making wedding vows for over half a century, and not only devoted themselves to each other, but made a very strong, silent statement about love.

In a time when divorce is expected and easily entered into and engagements are spent fussing over the spectacle of one day rather than the commitment of mind, body & soul the actual marriage requires, Don & Betty showed us how it is done. A simple family affair about love and commitment, family & joy. It would have been so much easier to just move in together, keep the government benefits of a widow and yet they chose to take their vows before God & family, honoring the sanctity of marriage. I just like that. I think it is really unusual, of which you know, I am a fan.

So how did all this come to be?

Betty's late husband had served as a pilot in WWII, where Don (also widowed) was a fellow squadron member. Years after Betty's husband passed, she continued to go to the squadron reunions. During the last reunion, she and Don hit it off and he offered to drive her to the airport to catch her flight back home in Wichita. One goodbye kiss in a Florida airport, that they told me shocked them both, and we now find ourselves sitting in a chapel in Wichita, Ks watching as they exchange vows! If that doesn't make you smile and feel a little leap of joy for the human race, I can't think of what would. In between this kiss and the wedding, our world got a little smaller as it so often does. Don lived just 15 minutes away from our house here in Colorado Springs! He contacted Ben and they began a friendship. At a breakfast they had together, Ben noticed that all of Don's pictures from the reunion seemed to be of his Grandma. Hmmm. Then Ben didn't hear anything from Don for a long time. Then news of an engagement came! How often do you get to tease someone about being used to get to Grandma!? We enjoy this joke a lot!

The Bride's great-grandchildren and grandchildren watched, while her own children stood with her at the altar, as well as the Groom's children. Don has no grandchildren, so his family grew by leaps and bounds on Saturday afternoon. He is in for quite an experience with all these grands & great-grands just down the road!

After a honeymoon in Vail, the couple will reside here in Colorado Springs. Ben and I couldn't be happier to have them in our city. We are looking forward to getting to know our new side of the family and watching what other lessons will be shown to us from this amazing couple.

The Lost and Found of Motherhood

When I answered the telephone in the lab darkroom 7 some odd years ago, I had no idea that I was about to loose so much of who I was. Some of this I was prepared for, and some I was so unprepared for I didn’t even realize it was happening.

Becoming a Mother was something that appealed to me off and on since I was 18 or so. There were months that I was going to have nothing to do with ‘suburbia house-mom” because I was going to be too busy painting and traveling the world. (This is where the wiser and much older me giggles and sighs) Then other times getting married and raising children sounded like the all American Dream. I hoped I would land somewhere in the middle.

When I married Ben in 2000, I left my home and my name in Missouri. It seemed I left my passion for art there too. I was burned out from my senior year of art school, and exhausted by all the life changing events that had taken place within a few short months of each other. I just flat out quit art due to this and a very bad job experience where my confidence was shot. It was hard to figure out just who I was in this new city (which was huge to me), where no one knew my family or my story. To add to this, I was not my own any longer-I was a wife! I found a happy and comfortable rut and time rushed by with its ups and downs. In this time I began to play around with my art again, but nothing like before. Before I would get lost for days in a piece, and that I could not balance with my new life. Then I began feeling sick. They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. So after a round of blood work, I got a call at work. I was developing X-rays in the darkroom and almost exposed all my film when I heard the words “your pregnant”. After 4 negative tests, it was a fluke and I WAS going to have a baby! What a rush of joy and terror. I hung up and stood there in the faint red light, stunned. What now? I called Ben who went through the same emotional taser experience. Then life really got crazy.

While I was expecting Grace, I painted little pictures for her room. Later a piece for Mom and Dad. But I had lost something in my work. It sure wasn’t as fun as it had been-it was, well, it was work. Grace was born and it was an amazing experience. In this process of pregnancy and delivery though, I was left feeling week and drained. My body had changed chemically and I could hardly eat a thing, I developed a pretty good case of postpartum depression. It took years to get my health back, just in time to get pregnant again with Tommy. This pregnancy also took its toll on my body leaving me with new sets of doctors appointments. In between kids I had started to enjoy working in art, when I got the chance which, as Moms of preschoolers know, was not often. Who can find the time between diapers, housekeeping, cooking, grocery shopping, reading books, playing dolls, temper tantrums, bandaging boo-boos, lessons to be taught, doctor appointments, remodeling and old house, and questions asked in lovely small curious voices, “Why?”. With no family around, time for me was just out of the question. I had some how just flat out lost who I was during all this Mothering and these health issues that took over my life. I love being a Mom (on most days!), but I let it really become my identity. This is NOT who I am, just a part. A part I am very proud of, but there is far more to me. Somewhere.

In the last year there has been a reawakening of who I am, or was, before kids. Ben has experienced the same thing. He got lost in this ‘daily grind’ too. We don’t know if it was Grace’s illness that brought this out, the kids getting a little less needy or just time to get fully comfortable in our family roles. Whatever the reason, there is a new energy in our house. Ben has begun playing tennis again-he is now #1 in singles at his club, and I have been producing real studio art again with passion and joy!

For my birthday I asked for 2 whole days to work in my new little studio I set up in the guest bedroom. Those 2 days took 10 years off my face and heart! The ideas for pieces have come so fast and numerous I will never be able to complete them all. It is a true joy, that is all I can say. Over the last year I have been working in art, but not had that real time to create. Now I am making time. I feel like I am back from where ever that place was that I had gone. Currently I have work showing at Cottonwood Center for the Arts. This show was probably very easy to get into, and yet I am so thrilled to be in it. It is not a matter of pride for me, but a matter of actually DOING something, just getting started. I hope that my studio art career will be a joyful one. Successful would be nice too. Truly God has been working hard on me and perhaps that is the difference now.

There is the terror of losing myself to the mundane daily life of laundry, dishes and diapers again. What is truly scary is that I didn’t realized that it had happened, and no one close to me realized since that was the only Brandi they knew. All the people that knew me were a thousand miles away and oblivious. I wonder how many other parents this happens too? It is still important for me to be the one here raising our kids. We have made many sacrifices so that it is me the kids spend the day with or that picks them up from school. Now I realize it is also important that our children know who we are aside from being Mom & Dad. To know that it is important to have passions you delve into. There IS something more than housekeeping and cooking! -I will say that both of these areas have suffered since I began painting so much. However, we will find a balance, plus frozen lasagna and chicken patties are pretty tasty. I am up for the challenge if it means time in my studio. It seems that after a decade, I am finally ending up somewhere in the middle of ‘house-mom’ & artist. It is a good place to be.

a Lowe Road Trip

Want proof of God?

Here it is:

We completed a family trip (19-20 hours round trip) across Kansas, during the day, and had a great time. No big deal you say? Ah, ye of little faith, let me give you details then.

-Honda Accord-packed to the max

-One 2 year old boy with the energy of a power plant and a short attention span

-One overly dramatic 6 year old girl with ADHD and a habit of barfing in the car

-A missing DVD car charger

-One husband who is NOT famous for his relaxed driving attitude or patience with kids

-Me, who gets carsick and constantly needs to pee

-One back seat where the kids sit right next to each other

*It should be noted that these children don't get along for more than 10 minutes at a time and are prone to the standard whining, crying, screaming, throwing, kicking and tattling of normal siblings.

We usually make this trip at night so the kids sleep because of previous disasters where I though Ben might steer us into oncoming traffic just to end our misery. BUT, it was for Thanksgiving and we didn't want to be exhausted when we got there. So we gave it a try. I have to say that although it couldn't have gone better, it was still traveling with kids.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving I hopped out of bed, ready to pack the car and go, excited to see our family and have a vacation. I planned to leave by 6:30 am-we left at 8:30 (no one even made it out of bed until after 7). To give Grace responsibility on this trip, we made her 'Backseat Captain '. She was in charge of making sure everyone back there was safe, kind, and obeyed. The power instantly went to her head though and we heard her screaming at her brother from the hallway "I command YOU!!! I AM the captain Tommy!!!" We then gave her a quick lesson on mutiny.

As we drove away from the house the kids were singing jingle bells! Oh it was just great!!!

By the time we hit the other side of town, the kids had changed all the words to 'poop'. Ah, Jingle Poop, real nice kids. Then Tommy feeling bold with not getting in trouble belted out a lovely original song entitled, 'Poop Guy'. Grace sang back up. It was early so I was picking my battles and let it go. Before we made it to the city limits (which I can't tell where they are anymore to be honest) Grace had asked if we were in Kansas 3 times.

Yikes. Could be a rough trip.

Now for the tornados. Grace is OBSESSED with tornados and enjoys worrying about when and if one will get her or her brother. This has made Tommy a bit concerned as well. So this was a big part of discussion before we got into KS, but by then I had convinced her we would be fine. I would need to do that again on the way back.

Tommy was enjoying all the tractors and trains along the way. Grace was coloring. I had packed the front of the car with snacks and little dollar toys to surprise them along the way. We read books, did art & sang songs. One of my genius ideas was silly putty. We drew little faces on our fingers and made crazy hair and hats out of silly putty. They also made tornados, lots of tornados. When I told Tommy not to get his Cheeze'its in the silly putty, he said: "Mom, my nado need to taste them." It did, and it was messy. I have to admit, I had fun too. It killed a couple of hours. Sadly I learned that if you drop it, then instantly forget that you dropped the silly putty in your car seat and later sleep on it, it is a big huge fat mess. Oh well.

A word on rest stops: If you tell a 6 year old one is coming up-she will instantly have an intense need to see it. She will then lose the urge to actually USE it after seeing it. Until the next one. And the next one. And the next one...

As we neared Kansas City (our destination) the toll line was insanely backed up. It was so bad that the News was there filming the traffic. Ben mentioned that wow, it is bad, there is the news. Grace instantly stuck her little face into the front seat yelling "WHERE IS THE MOOSE!!?? I don't see it! Where is it?!" Kansas City interstate IS a well known moose spotting sight, right?

Before arriving, I gave a quick reminder about manners, which included a talk on how we don't sing 'poop' songs of ANY kind in front of ANYONE other than Mom and Dad. (Not sure if they obeyed that or not) When we pulled in the drive way and threw open the doors all sorts of crap fell out. Things seem to multiply on a road trip. I am glad it was windy and probably blew everything away that I didn't get picked up! Some of my family waiting inside had never met Tommy & hadn't seen Grace since she was a baby, if ever! So I ran a comb through her hair while Ben pulled Tommy out of a pee soaked car seat. Great. "HI! Great to see you! This is Grace and little Tommy! Please don't touch my son, he is soaked in urine. Lovely home, may we borrow your bathtub?" We're HERE! ( I felt like cousin Eddie)

We had a great holiday with all of our family. (After cleaning up Tommy of course) A really perfect time for the kids and us alike. Kids stayed up way too late giggling with their cousins, played games with all their family, ran all over the place, saw a million cool things in the city and had a blast. We did the same as well. Grace loved being a part of the 'big girls' with her 14 & 10 yr old cousins and was ready to move there! None of us broke anything, barfed, ruined anything, opened others Christmas gifts, or was scaringly embarrassing. SUCESS! (although Grace wasn't at her best one night at Ben's Aunt and Uncles due to ultra exhaustion, but what could we expect?)

We left late Sunday morning after over sleeping. The kids were NOT thrilled to be leaving and that always makes it a little harder. They still did okay though.

On the trip back, we stopped and bought a dvd cord.

Only a miracle from God could have allowed such a smooth trip for our family. Remember, this is OUR family, not a normal family-And for that I am very thankful.

Strange Little Minds...

Have you ever wished you could see into your kids strange little minds? I often do. Then upon truly thinking about what I might see, am quite glad that I can't! The strange life of living with children, or at least MY strange life of living with my children!

Currently, my kids are obsessed with tornados & poop. Grace is constantly concerned that a tornado is coming, although we live in a rare pocket under the mountain that seldom sees any. She has imparted this, of course, to her little brother as well. They like to use the "I think a tornado is coming" as a way to stay up just a little later at bed time. (they can turn ANYTHING into a reason to stay up late) And as with all kids this age, poop is about the funniest thing ever. They like to sing songs but replace all the words with "poop". Classy. They especially like to do this where others can hear them, like the market, target, and my personal fav, The Broadmoor. (the young business women at a conference there were all doubling up on birth control after seeing my kids in action-I have to admit I enjoyed their snooty looks of disgust, I used to be one of them after all!) SO when I asked Grace what Daddy should be for Halloween, I shouldn't have been surprised to here the words 'Poop Tornado' come out of her perfect little bow mouth. Love it!

Since Grace's invention of the 'poopnado', Tommy has really enjoyed talking about it as well. Only problem is he is rather hard to understand sometimes. So when he started asking "shut up poop teenagers" in the grocery (the worst things always happen when I am shopping for groceries-but that is another blog) he was actually asking me if I had been sucked up by a poop tornado. Good question. I have to say I wan't looking my best that day so it WAS a legitimate question. I realize now what great experience it was for me to be stared at so much in high school because I dressed so strangely-doesn't phase me too much now when people are staring because of the odd things my kiddos do and say!

The other day Tommy asked if a poop tornado could get us in the house, to which I replied, " We were just being silly, they are not real". He looked at me very seriously, almost as if he felt sorry for my stupidity, then tilted his head to the side and is the sweetest angelic high voice he said "sometimes they real", gave me a pat, then walked off. So if Tommy is at your house in the near future, this topic could come up!

So you might be thinking, geez, what kind of a Mom is she, letting her kids get away with this stuff in public. Worn out for one! We have had the talk about things that are funny at home are not always funny out in public, but so far they just are not getting it. I know several of my friends are going through the same thing. We are lucky to have kids with such personality and humor! (I have to remind myself of that sometimes!) So for now, I am more concerned with keeping Grace from walking into moving cars and Tommy from running off and scaling a building.

Halloween should certainly be interesting this year for sure. Am I making this costume? Probably not, but it sure would be funny. Well, at least as long as he didn't wear it to the grocery store...

Lessons I have learned from the last few weeks...

Isn't it strange how often times we don't really get to know a person until they die? I am not sure if that is because after a death I spend time reading their memoirs, going through photos, hearing many stories about them, and asking questions, or if that is just the natural feeling because their story has a definite beginning and a definite end. No matter what the case, I take a lot from the death of my loved ones.

Last week, my grandmother died. I was blessed to be able to be there by her side through her last few days on earth. I learned many things from this strange experience.

Although I have lost many loved ones, I have never set by someones side as they were actually dying. It took Gramz many many days and the doctors were amazed. Every day the medical staff would say today is it, only hours left. And every day she would continue to breath a strange ragged pattern, sometimes opening her eyes, sometimes yelling out. What was going on in there? After reading something hospice gave us, I really think she was working through hard times in her life and resolving unfinished issues so she could go peacefully on to heaven.

Gramz had words of great wisdom on her death bed. She said, " Never smoke" as she struggled to breath and she said, "Never, never be mean to people" as she struggled to make peace with her life. Good advice.

After reading some of her memoirs that she had written for us, I am amazed at the kind of

Grandmother she was. Her life had been so much harder than I ever realized. She wrote that her mother never kissed her or showed affection. She never saw affection between her parents either. She was pushed into marriage by WWII and when her husband came home, he was terribly changed by the horrors of war. Sadly he took this out on her. There is far more to this story, but what I took away from learning all these things is what an incredible woman she was. Despite what life had showed her, she was always so affectionate and fun! What a strong person to have such weight and still laugh and be so funny. (Gramz was a riot! We never knew what she might say-you can imagine as she got older how this played out!)

What a lesson in strength, and moving beyond hard times. A lesson in loving people and making that affection known to them. A lesson on NOT being a victim. And also, a hard lesson on making peace with your own personal issues and not stuffing them away for later, because you will have to deal with them. This was haunting to see. It has truly made me think about some of my feelings and start working through them. I come from a long line of emotional "stuffers" and was really concerned as I saw how that played out it death. I am hoping others involved took some of these same lessons away as well.

Other things I observed over the last weeks while staying a my folks and traveling are:

1 computer for 5 people is not enough. (crazy I know)

The kindness of people can soften hardened hearts and give hope.

When others need us to be strong, we can be a rock.

When traveling in the airport, be extra kind to everyone around you. Amazing stories could follow. Not everyone there is traveling for fun or business, it may be great sorrow.

Spend time with your kids and let them know you love them and your spouse.

Again, I can't begin to say how strange this all was. Sort of like a blurry dream. So much happened and was learned that I just can't express it. The incredible lack of sleep also doesn't help with that! All I can say is that I loved my Gramz, am thankful for our time and for all the things she taught me in life and in death.

Where I am coming from...

WELL, here it is.

A recorded account of my life as a "semi" superMom for all the world to see. Closer to the truth, for my family who will see why slowly my notes in the mail that I used to be so good at, have all but disappeared and why my phone calls are so short.(why do kids go bazerk when I get on the phone?) Perhaps, this will also help me clear my over stuffed mind. Normally I will write about the goofy things happening at my house, but today I am writing a little about who we are and what I am dealing with this morning.

I also hope it helps other Moms feel better about the craziness of their own home, children and life in general! Oh, you are so not alone!

So first of all, who am I?

LOTS of things...

A Major Day Dreamer

I am a stay at home Mom of two: Tommy (2) who is ALL crazy boy, and Grace (6) who is the ORIGINAL Ramona Quimby. (I use the term "stay at home" very loosely)

Wife and personal Secretary to Ben for 9 years.

Art Director & Co founder of Art with Purpose-an art therapy program for "at-risk" teens.

Private Art Instructor

Artist

A (barely) Sr. Regional Director for Lemongrass Spa (local natural handmade spa products)

Table Leader in Mothers Of Pre Schoolers

Daughter, Sister, Aunt, "In-Law", Grand-Daughter, Friend, etc.

Worlds WORST speller, yet BEST excuse maker.

Constant Dieter who eats ice cream and nachos (but I have a really good excuse...)

Medical researcher, Insurance fighter, Pharmaceutical rep for Grace and Natural Medicine guinea pig.

Terrible Time Management Lady-I should be doing about 20 other things right now, but nope. I am starting a blog. Ben with just love that...

Then, lots of other things, but lets start here.

So that is the general of who I am and now we can move on.

This morning I want to talk a bit about my daughter Grace and who she has mysteriously become in the last year. I am sure I will talk about this more because it just baffles me so.

Grace is 6, in 1st grade and a very independent strong willed kiddo. She started out defiant and has kept it up for 6 years. This being said, she is also a great and really amazing kid.

Our biggest challenge currently with Grace. She is recovering from Encephalitis that left her with minor brain damage causing ADHD, epilepsy and a cognitive disorder. How strange is was to drop my girl off at school-who had become very self reliant and was exceptionally intelligent-and with in a few hours be rushing that same child, who was seizing, foaming at the mouth and unable to speak or walk, to the PICU. She hasn't been the same since, and yet she has recovered so much you wouldn't even know it had happened. Only her Mother and those very close to her on a daily basis notice now. We have been very blessed to get her back to where she is!

In that one day my life as a Mother changed so much. Before, I knew Gracie inside and out. I knew what her favorite foods were, her favorite things, what would make her cry, why she would do certain things and how to discipline certain bad behaviors. When we brought Grace home, these things had all changed and she was a very different little girl. She didn't like the same food, like the same things, she cried for no reason at all and was frustrated by the slightest thing (shoes have become the bane of my existence!). Where she was once inexhaustible, she was constantly tired. She did strange things like write everything backward, sentences, words and name. Where once she was most likely a gifted academic, she now couldn't process simple ideas. Before she had wonderful manners, she had now lost her "think before you speak" ability and appeared rather rude. And then, HOW do you discipline a child who has been through all this? I am still working on this, after all I am still responsible for raising a well adjusted, unspoiled person regardless of what hardships she has been through. I will not be around to explain rude behavior or the fact that she doesn't always comprehend what you say the first time-even thought it looks like she should. I can't say how hard it is to decide what is a brain issue and what is a willful 6 year old issue.

The progress Grace has made is no less than a gift from God. Her seizures are under control with meds, I know her favorites again, her academics have come back to where they were when this happened, her energy levels are in good shape. We are still working on the manners (what parents of a 6 year old aren't though!) and focusing on tasks at hand. We are on our 4th medicine for focusing-this is the last one I am willing to put her through. After this, we will just do exercises and try some more diet adjustments. Her emotional out bursts are still a daily or hourly issue, but this is just at home. We can handle that, after all she will continue to heal for up to another year.

I think back to laying in Grace's PICU room last December. I was laying next to her, zipped into her restraining bed with her, after a very rough and violent night. While the infection raged in her brain, she thrashed violently, hit us and screamed, spoke in what sounded like tongues, eyes rolling. It took many doses of sedatives to finally calm her down by about 3 in the morning. As I lay there watching her finally sleeping, a doctor came in and coldly told us she may never wake up. He said he sees kids who recover, but just as many who never wake up, then left. Ben and I stared at each other though the mesh of her bed restraint, unable to process this information. Within 5 minutes Grace sat bolt upright and asked, "Mama, where are we!?" She has amazed everyone from there on out!

Looking forward to what my amazing girl will do! She is full of funny ideas and sayings, a beautiful creative and sharp mind, and great athletic ability! We are close to "normal" but still working a few things!!!

All this has added considerably to our adventure.