Lessons I have learned from the last few weeks...

Isn't it strange how often times we don't really get to know a person until they die? I am not sure if that is because after a death I spend time reading their memoirs, going through photos, hearing many stories about them, and asking questions, or if that is just the natural feeling because their story has a definite beginning and a definite end. No matter what the case, I take a lot from the death of my loved ones.

Last week, my grandmother died. I was blessed to be able to be there by her side through her last few days on earth. I learned many things from this strange experience.

Although I have lost many loved ones, I have never set by someones side as they were actually dying. It took Gramz many many days and the doctors were amazed. Every day the medical staff would say today is it, only hours left. And every day she would continue to breath a strange ragged pattern, sometimes opening her eyes, sometimes yelling out. What was going on in there? After reading something hospice gave us, I really think she was working through hard times in her life and resolving unfinished issues so she could go peacefully on to heaven.

Gramz had words of great wisdom on her death bed. She said, " Never smoke" as she struggled to breath and she said, "Never, never be mean to people" as she struggled to make peace with her life. Good advice.

After reading some of her memoirs that she had written for us, I am amazed at the kind of

Grandmother she was. Her life had been so much harder than I ever realized. She wrote that her mother never kissed her or showed affection. She never saw affection between her parents either. She was pushed into marriage by WWII and when her husband came home, he was terribly changed by the horrors of war. Sadly he took this out on her. There is far more to this story, but what I took away from learning all these things is what an incredible woman she was. Despite what life had showed her, she was always so affectionate and fun! What a strong person to have such weight and still laugh and be so funny. (Gramz was a riot! We never knew what she might say-you can imagine as she got older how this played out!)

What a lesson in strength, and moving beyond hard times. A lesson in loving people and making that affection known to them. A lesson on NOT being a victim. And also, a hard lesson on making peace with your own personal issues and not stuffing them away for later, because you will have to deal with them. This was haunting to see. It has truly made me think about some of my feelings and start working through them. I come from a long line of emotional "stuffers" and was really concerned as I saw how that played out it death. I am hoping others involved took some of these same lessons away as well.

Other things I observed over the last weeks while staying a my folks and traveling are:

1 computer for 5 people is not enough. (crazy I know)

The kindness of people can soften hardened hearts and give hope.

When others need us to be strong, we can be a rock.

When traveling in the airport, be extra kind to everyone around you. Amazing stories could follow. Not everyone there is traveling for fun or business, it may be great sorrow.

Spend time with your kids and let them know you love them and your spouse.

Again, I can't begin to say how strange this all was. Sort of like a blurry dream. So much happened and was learned that I just can't express it. The incredible lack of sleep also doesn't help with that! All I can say is that I loved my Gramz, am thankful for our time and for all the things she taught me in life and in death.